Tuesday, March 20, 2012

My experience falling in love as a single mom

I Couldn’t have planned for it in a million years. Same goes for becoming a single mom… once again proving the best things in life come entirely unexpected.

What can I say about love? For the past few months I have been wonderfully in it– at the same time kinda lost and wholeheartedly aware, like the greatest lucid dream ever experienced. My brain is still mush from spending the last week with my love.

There is a reason why love is such a popular topic. It’s the one thing deep down we all get, the one thing we can all nod our heads in agreement and say, “Yep, greatest drug known to man!” Love in and of itself, is nothing but awesome. A relationship may sour, but love never does. We are never hurt by love, we are hurt by the lack of it.

The thing about love though, is that it is also at the center of some of the most trite pieces of advice ever uttered. Writing about it I really wanted to avoid the dullness, especially because the experience of falling in love is so sacred; for me personally, not since the birth of my daughter have I felt life so alive.

Falling in love with has happened at the height of my happiness being single. I was going out on dates, enjoying myself, spending time with friends, celebrating my time with my daughter, and really immersing myself in the church, and during this time, I often thought to myself, This is it! Life doesn’t get much better than this!

When overtime without really realizing it I had formed a friendship with a man that really started to grow on me. As time went on and we talked more I found myself utilizing my cell phone to have this person as a part of my day, and there became a day when I laughed out load at how blindsided by love I had been.

I, self-appointed spokeswoman for the awesomeness of single-dom, had suddenly entered the awesomeness of a loving relationship. I was completely taken aback. It really is true, love happens when you aren’t at all looking for it.

You ask how did we met? Well I just happen to be out one night and a friend invited to join him and another friend at a car show the following weekend. I went, enjoyed myself and you say through the course of a rather crazy weekend, I met "him". I think we maybe talked/spent 5 face-time hours together. He and his friend said "hey add me on facebook", so not thinking anything would ever come of it I did. He lives in another state and then we were both at entirely different places in our life from where we are now. He would sometimes make comments on my facebook, see how I was doing just as I would do the same. Being a college student I was always posting about school work and grades. He messaged me one day and said he needed help with a paper he was writing for school. Being the nice person I am, I told if he ever needed help let me know, I would try to help him out. At this point I still didn't really know him, we had never talked except for a comment here or there on facebook. As time went on he took me up on the offer to help him with a paper. First it was by text, and then as time went on we would talk on the phone and I would guide him in the right direction.

Mean while my friend that I went to the car show with the year before asked if I wanted to go again and hangout all our now mutual friends. I said yes, as I had a great time the year before and made plenty of new friends that I was excited to go see. In the months before the show, after I had already made arrangements for Raegan to go to her dads, and planned on going to the show, my friend bailed on me. By this time I was already excited to go hangout with everyone at the car show and ready to enjoy that weekend. In the weeks leading up to the show "he" and I talked on the phone more. He even called me multiple times while I was on my mission trip in Joplin, just checking in seeing how things were going. We  had started to become good friends. I came home from Joplin and the next weekend I drove up to the car show. There was no hint in the slightest that one day we would fall incredibly in love with one other. Neither of us picked up on any signs that pointed to a shared destiny, but that is what is sooo cool! After that weekend I really wanted to get to know this man, and him living two states away was making it kinda hard. I had even said to myself days before I went to the car show "he is a friend, you can not like him in any other way since he lives two states away!". I don't think there has been a day when we haven't talked on the phone or via text. This universe has a crazy beautiful plan for each of us if we allow it to unfold. Seeds of happiness, fortune, and fate are everywhere.

So there you have it! My experience falling in love as a single mom. This is only part of the story, the rest is yet to be told. I am excited for our future and to see what God has in store for us. Long distance relationships are hard work, but it helps us to improve our communication skills with one another. I can truly say he completes me.

One last one I wanted to share: Don’t be afraid to be who you are.

Being a single mom is something to be incredibly proud of and to embrace. We get the joy and opportunity of falling in love anew everyday–with our kids, with our freedom, with the person we are becoming. We are experts at loving selflessly, and hopefully, we are learning to love ourselves compassionately.

Who you are rocks. Love yourself mightily. When ‘the one’ comes around, you’ll know why he finds you irresistible, and falling in love with him will be tons of fun.

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